A Letter to All of Ishgar
by purpleswans
Summary: For Jellal appreciation day 2016. A letter from Jellal trying to explain his actions in the Tower of Heaven.


**This is supposed to be my submission for Jellal Appreciation Day, but it's a day late. Aw well. Enjoy a kind of character study. I hope is kept it nonshippy enough I'm sorry if some Jerza slipped through it's just really hard to write about these events without a little Erza.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail**

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To the Citizens of all the Magical Countries in Ishgar,

I know that these words probably won't change anything, but I feel the need to apologize for my actions. Many of you may not even be aware of what I did, but you were still indirectly affected by my decisions. I won't ask for forgiveness since I honestly don't think I deserve it, but I would like to explain my actions to some extent.

Some of you may recall the child raids that occurred in the eastern part of the continent around 20 years ago. To those that were affected, the scars those raids left behind probably still ache. I myself was a victim of those raids when I was a child, torn from my home and brought to a strange island. Tools were thrust in my hands, and I was forced to build a magical tower that I didn't understand in order to resurrect a god I'd never heard of.

Those were undeniably the worst days of my life, but it was were I was able to make some truly good friends. Sho, Milliana, Wally, Simon... Erza. You were greatest gifts in that dark world, but you're the people I hurt the most. I can never apologize to you enough, and honestly I fail to see how you could ever forgive me.

At one point, the six of us tried to escape. In hindsight, it really wasn't the best plan since even if we had made it out of the tower undetected there would have need no way off the island, but we were desperate. The guards found us, and took Erza away to be punished for all of our misdeeds.

After that, in some childish bout of determination, I decided that I would rescue her. I tried to get my friends to help me, but they were to scared and shaken up from our recent experience to try and fight. I'll admit that it was incredibly reckless, but I felt so guilty for urging Erza to come with us that I wasn't thinking rationally. I stole a large sword from one of the guards and ran to the punishment room, without even thinking about the consequences. I succeeded in rescuing her, but ended up being recaptured and assigned punishment myself.

What happened next could only be described as hell on earth. The cult leaders used a form of lightning magic to send electric shocks through their victims, which induces some of the worst pain imaginable. They were the kind of people who relish in the pain of others, so I held my screams in just to spite them. I let all of it boil inside me: My hatred for these torturers, and resentment towards my friends who refused to help me, my loathing towards this entire existence. The feelings continued to storm inside me, aggravated by the torture, until something provided the catalyst for an explosion.

A voice spoke to me claiming to be Zeref, the god that this R-system was supposed to resurrect. It told me just what was needed to be said to turn my anger into something that would inspire my later actions. It said that I was special, that my anger allowed me to her it. It entered my mind my urged me to continue the R-system and do its bidding. Now I know that it was actually Ultear who spoke to me that day, but I'm also aware that it was only a partial possession and that I still held some control over my actions are really should have been able to break the possession.

It was after this that I did all the things that I wish with all my heart that I could undo.

Erza had managed to rally the other slaves and fuel a rebellion - something I couldn't do - but I turned them all against her and made them continue to work on the Tower of Heaven. I now knew that before the system could be completed a massive amount of magic energy would have to be collected in the tower, and I realized that the best way to do this was to fire and Etherion blast directly into the lacrima. It was for this purpose that I became a council member and placed myself at the forefront of magical politics, in order to be in a position where I could lead a vote to fire on my own creation. I lied to nearly everyone I knew, including my closest friends.

When the time came to put my plan into action, I really didn't have any malicious intents. I was simply following my twisted values inspired by a connection with what I truly believed to be Zeref. This doesn't in any way exude my actions, but it does explain them.

To the old council members, I really did come to respect you. I may still disagree with some of you on certain policies, but you all really did have the safety and security of the people in mind at all times.

To all of my old friends, I hope that now that you are all free from the Tower of Heaven that you can follow your own paths to freedom whatever that may be. You all deserve to be happy.

To all the people of this continent, I will never be able to make up for what I have done, but please take this as my vow to forever try and live my life doing what I can to eliminate the evil of this world. That way, I may be able to, someday, forgive myself.

Sincerily,

Jellal Fernandes  
Crime Sorciere Guild Master

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